So I read some articles about how to deal with Obsession and steps you can take and what not. I really liked one in particular and I'm going to try and work through the 9 steps.
1. Name the Beast - Identify the thought, what is the fear, what is the doubt, sum it up in a few sentences or words.
I missed my shot at happiness. I chose wrong. I will feel alone forever.
Alone. Wrong. Unhappy.
2. Pencil it in - Schedule in a time where you're actually allowed to ruminate and obsess. So you can say to yourself, not time for that, I'll do that at 8 tonight.
hmm... well clearly I shouldn't obsess during working hours, but I already suck at being efficient in the mornings... but I don't want to be thinking about him right before I sleep... I already have way too many vivid dreams that I'm too happy in... those dreams are like crack....Maybe lunchtime? when I'm eating my lunch I get to obsess, check his facebook, and twitter, and whatever other social media platform and quench my inner stalker and this undeniable urge to just know him... (see obsessed... I've officially reached crazy town)
3. Laugh at it - laughter can make almost any situation tolerable.
Well my sister helps me laugh about how absurd it is... so I guess when I'm having a particularly awful attack I can call her, or even my college friends to remind how ridiculous I'm being.
4. Throw it away - Write the obsession on a piece of paper and then throw it away. Or visualize a stop sign in your head when your thoughts go in that direction.
I don't know about this one... I like the stop sign aspect, but the paper thing... do I write out his name... or the real fears I identified in step 1....
5. Learn the lesson - most people obsess about their mistakes, so figure out what you learned.
I think this is the root of my obsession with the Mountain Man... That I'm afraid that when I was given this opportunity of leaving my Sailor and possibly pursuing something with someone completely new and exciting, I stuck with what was safe. I settled for what I had even though I clearly wasn't happy. Out of everything that has transpired over the last few months, I think I've definitely learned that settling in life is the worst disservice you can do to yourself, especially when it comes to love and the partner you chose to share the rest of your life with. The rest of your life is an unfathomable amount of time...You really do need to adore that person to make it through all the hills and valleys that await you on this hopefully scenic drive through life.
6. Reel it in - Buried within an obsession are usually pieces of truth. You need good friends to help you separate fact from fiction.
This one scares me the most because I do have a hard time determining what aspects of my fear are the truth and what are just coming from a place of self doubt and wallowing. But then there's also the flipside to this obsession where I've placed all the qualities I'm finding my Sailor to lack onto the Mountain Man. And there is no way in hell he can be as perfect as I dream him to be. I think that's part of where the obsessive urge to know him comes from. I want to actually know him, to make him real, I want there to be something that makes him human, something that I don't like about him so I can stop the nagging thought of, you met your soulmate and you had a taste of what it would it would be like to have a relationship with him and you said no thanks I'll stick with what I have. It hasn't helped that every time I go on a binge stalking craze and find new things out about him, they always make me like him more.
7. Imagine the worst - this may sound counter intuitive, but imagining the worst and coming to terms with it can help relieve the fear in the first place.
Worst case... I leave my Sailor, I try to pursue the Mountain Man? Or I don't... either way it doesn't work out and I do end up alone for the rest of my days, no family of my own, no one to share my everyday nothings with. I mean I hope I wouldn't actually be alone... I'd have friends and my family but they would all eventually have their own so their time for me will dwindle...but I do have a big family, and I'm blessed to have a lot of good friends, I mean if I really ever am that lonely there should always be someone to talk to. Heck I talk to strangers all the time... but I won't lie, there's something comforting in having someone who knows you as well as a significant other does...I don't know, worst still seems pretty bad. I just need to remember that with the sheer number of people in this world, there's no way that the Sailor and the Mountain Man were the only two possible options. So if I do indeed fail at both of them, there will be others.
8. Put it on hold - sometimes you can obsess about a situation that you don't have enough information about, so put it on hold until you have enough data.
Maybe that's how I need to treat the Mountain Man obsession, that I really don't know him, I just know how it felt to spend time with him...and the cursory things I've discovered through the beauty of the internet. That there's no way I could know if he's my soulmate and there's no point in obsessing over a man you knew for two weeks and drunkenly made out with. But even writing that sentence feels like a lie because it was so much more than that. I'm pretty sure you can recognize a kindred spirit almost immediately. Regardless of if he is my soulmate, we're still two people who got along remarkably well and should at least be friends.
9. Interrupt the conversation - an obsession is like a conversation in your head, and because it's yourself you don't even need to be polite, just interrupt yourself when you're having the obsessive thoughts.
This will be an interesting tactic and I wonder if I can actually make it work for myself. I'm just always going to picture Doug from UP saying "Squirrel!" haha
Well I feel like this was helpful for sure, but I think I'm really going to have to work hard at not allowing myself to go down the black hole of what ifs.
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